Longing to be Skinny
by findlightinthedarkness
Summary: Bella is an ordinary teenager. She loves boys, does alright in school, and hates her body. She develops an eating disorder and ditches her friends. Little does she know, starving herself is like a form of suicide. It kills you—mentally and sometimes physically.


**DISCLAIMER: Hey, guys! My name is Bailee. Um, I don't know what to say. It's weird because I love talking. XD Please, enjoy and review!**

Summary: Bella is an ordinary teenager. She loves boys, does alright in school, and hates her body. She develops an eating disorder and ditches her friends. Little does she know, starving herself is like a form of suicide. It kills you—mentally and sometimes physically.

Chapter 1

"Bella, what are you doing up there?" Mrs. Aberworth asked. "Do you want me to call the cops to get you down?"

"I'm fine, Mrs. A. I like it up here."

"Sweetheart, you're on the roof. You're so skinny that you'll snap like a twig if you fall. What are you going to do if you fall off?"

"I don't know. Scream?"

She laughed. "Oh, Bella, you make me laugh. Well, I've got to go—my program is on. You be careful. And stop smoking so much, Bella."

I chuckled as I brought the cigarette to my lips. "Will do, Mrs. A. Say hi to Mr. A for me."

"Jim, dear! Bella said hi!" she yelled when she walked through the door.

I shook my head. She was crazy, but I loved her to death. I was extremely happy that she called me skinny. I weighed 140 pounds. I wanted to go lower, though. My ultimate goal weight was a hundred. "Bella!" someone yelled.

It was Alice. I was going to spend the night at her house. I took another puff of my cigarette and climbed through the window. "Bells, you smell like smoke. You better give me one and a light."

"Where are yours?"

"Carlisle caught me. He gave me a big lecture saying that smoking kills, blah, blah, blah. I ended up thinking about that weed we're all smoking tonight."

"Um, Ali, I can't smoke that. I swore to Charlie that I wouldn't smoke weed, and he would get me a car."

"How long?"

"No idea."

And that was a lie. Smoking weed makes you hungry. I don't need to be hungry. But, Charlie is getting me a car. "Esme is making your favorite—mushroom ravioli."

I faked a smile. "Wow, that's awesome."

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "We've just haven't hung out for a while, Bells—since January. It's June. Where the fuck have you been? Edward misses you like crazy. He's driven halfway here and turns around because he was afraid you hated him. Every time we invited you over, you always said that you were busy. I was so shocked you said you would come over. What changed your mind?"

"I just really missed you all."

That wasn't true. Well, I did miss them. A lot, actually. But the reason why I left them was because it's really hard to not eat whenever there are friends who are shoving fatty foods into their mouths constantly. I thought it would be easier if I wasn't around a lot of people.

"We're not the same without you. Everyone has been so distant, lately. I'm hoping that this will bring us all together."

"Well, Alice, let's get going. I've missed everyone so much."

We walked outside and got into her car. I whistled. "Damn, Alice. Nice set of wheels. When the hell did you get this?"

"For my birthday," she answered.

The smile disappeared from my face, immediately. I missed her birthday. It was in February. "Ali, I'm so sorry. I—''

"It's alright, Bells."

I knew she was lying. I could tell by the way her gripped tightened on the steering wheel and started going a little bit faster. "I wish I could do something to make it up," I whispered.

"Give me that pack of cigarettes you have in your hands."

"You're lucky I have another pack in my purse," I laughed.

We lit our cigarettes at the stop sign. I pulled out the Smirnoff Vodka that I had in my purse and took a swig. I was nervous. I was worried about what everyone was going to say when they saw me. Will they be mad?

"Isabella! You're drinking alcohol? Last I remember, you thought it was disgusting!" Alice screeched.

"You want some?" I laughed.

"What? Are you stupid? Of course, I want some!"

She took the bottle from me and took a long drink. She winced as the alcohol created a burning sensation in her throat. Ten minutes later, we pulled into the driveway of her house.

"Shit," I muttered while looking through my purse. "I don't have any gum. Do you?"

"Check the glove compartment."

I found some mint gum. Five calories. I gave her a piece. "Fuck, Alice, how long has this gum been in here?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. But, hey, at least it still has the flavor. Do you have any perfume?"

I nodded. I pulled some out of my bag and sprayed her and myself. As we neared the house, I saw Edward run out to greet us.

He opened my door and pulled me into a sweet embrace. "I missed you, Bella," Edward whispered into my ear.

I tried to hide the chill that went through my body. God, I didn't think it was possible, but he got hotter. "I missed you, too, Edward."

I breathed in his cologne. "Okay, Edward, I know you love Bella, but it's my turn to hug her!" a loud voice boomed—Emmett.

Edward's face had a light shade of pink on it. He was embarrassed. And of course, I blushed a bright tomato red as always. Emmett picked me up and swung me around. "Holy shit, Bellsie! You're as light as a feather!" he exclaimed.

I laughed as my feet hit the grass. "I was beginning to think you would never come around, Bella," Rosalie said.

"Hey, Rose."

She smiled and hugged me. "Where's Jasper at?" I asked.

"I have no idea," Alice replied.

"He's probably playing with his friend," Emmett joked.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and leaned into him. "You're such a pervert."

"But I'm your pervert," he smirked, giving her a quick kiss.

I screamed as the cold water hit my back. I turned around to see Jasper with a water gun laughing his ass off. "Fuck you, Jasper! What the fuck is wrong with you?" I yelled.

That caused another fit of laughter from everyone. I huffed and sat down in the grass with my arms crossed. "Screw you, guys. You're all assholes."

I felt cold water hit my face. "Jasper!" I sputtered. "Stop that!"

I leaped up and ran for the woods. "Bella!" Edward beckoned. "Come back!"

"Nice job, asshole! You've pissed her off!" Emmett growled.

I giggled. I had a plan. I sprinted to the shed. That's where the usually store their water guns. I grabbed two and filled them up with water. I walked towards the house and saw that they were sitting on the porch. This was going to be good.

I crept towards the porch. Okay, this is it. 3, 2, 1. I pressed down on the triggers and sprayed them all with water. That was when Emmett got up with a deadly smile on his face.

_Oh, shit. _

I ran for my life, cursing myself for getting him wet. I looked back and saw Emmett coming towards me… And he was picking up speed. I put my ass into gear and headed towards the house. There's no fighting in there. Esme wouldn't allow it.

I almost made it. As my hand reached the door knob, an arm reached out and grabbed my waist. It was Edward. "Edward, don't let him get me," I begged.

He pretended to think about it. Emmett was twenty feet away. "Edward," I whined.

"Here you go, Emmett!" he said while handing me over.

"I hate you both," I pouted.

"Hey, you do the crime, you do the time," Emmett quipped.

"So, what's my punishment?"

"A dip in the pool," he said, walking towards it.

"HELP!" I screamed.

For a second, I was in the air, and the next, I was in the freezing water. I rose to the surface. "Emmett! You, asshole!"

I swam over to the edge to where Edward was. He extended his hand, and I grabbed it. He pulled me up. "Thanks, Edward."

I looked around. "Where did Emmett go?"

"Well, he has a short attention span," Edward answered.

I nodded. "Bella?"

"Yeah, Edward?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Um, sure," I squeaked.

My heart started racing as his lips neared mine. 3 inches, 2 inches, 1 inches… Fireworks. Immediately, my hands went up to his messy, bronze hair, and his hands started roaming up and down my back. I broke the kiss, breathing heavily. "Wow," I said, smiling.

"Good wow or bad wow?"

"Good wow. Definitely a good wow."

"Let's go inside. I'm starving."

The smile fell from my face. Food… I heard my stomach growl. Edward laughed. "Sounds like you are, too."

I mentally cursed my stomach. Now, I'm probably going to have to eat. We walked hand in hand to the house. Alice smiled a knowing smile, and I stuck my tongue out at her.

"So, Eddie, did you get some action?" Emmett joked, waggling his eyebrows.

"Piss off, Emmett," Edward retorted.

"I take that as a no," he guffawed.

"Dinner is ready," Esme said. "Oh, hey, Bella, I wasn't aware you were here. No one tells me anything. I made your favorite—mushroom ravioli."

I hugged her as I walked into the dining room. "Carlisle won't be here until later. The hospital is very busy," Esme informed us.

Alice handed me my bag. "Thanks," I smiled.

I ran to the bathroom to change. Then, Esme called us all for dinner. I got as little of the mushroom ravioli as I could. God, I missed this stuff. I can't eat it, though. I don't know how many calories are in it. I hate eating foods without knowing the calories. I had to pull out all of my tricks now. Taking a deep breath, I stabbed a ravioli and put it close to my lips. Close enough for everyone to think it's going to go into my mouth, but not where I can lose my control. "So, guys, it's unnaturally sunny today, isn't?" I asked.

"Yes, it is," Rose answered.

I put the fork back to the plate and scraped the ravioli off with my knife. I cut a piece and brought it close to my lips again. "Oh, Esme, this is delicious," I moaned. "I haven't had this in a long time."

"Thank you, Bella."

"Thank God, it is summer. I don't think I could take one more second in Mr. Hill's English class," I said, grabbing a new ravioli and putting the old one down.

"I know, right? I hated that bastard," Emmett agreed.

"It's great, isn't it?"

"What?" Edward asked.

"The weather. It's lovely. We should go on a walk after dinner."

"I'm in," Jasper replied.

"Fantastic," I grinned. "Ugh, I'm so full. Thanks for this wonderful meal, Esme."

Everyone else looked done, too. "Let's go on this walk, guys!" Alice chirped.

I grabbed my purse and walked out the door with everyone trailing behind. When we arrived to the edge of the woods, I lit a cigarette. "Bella Swan, smoking? What has this world come to?" Emmett cried out.

"Bells, light me one," Rose ordered.

"Me too," Emmett added.

"Does everyone want one?" I asked.

Everyone said yes except Edward. "Edward, you're a cigarette virgin!" I gasped.

Edward blushed. "I just never saw the appeal."

"More like he was afraid of getting caught," Emmett joked.

"You can try mine, Edward, and if you like it, I can give you one," I offered.

I gave Edward the cigarette. He brought it up to his lips, breathed in, and started to cough. Everyone laughed. "What'd you think?" Jasper asked.

He shook his head, still coughing. He handed me the cigarette. "Let's go to the cabin," Alice suggested.

Esme and Carlisle's cabin was a couple minutes away. It was small, but cute. Alice opened the doors, and we shuffled in. "Let's play spin the bottle!" Emmett yelled.

"Fine, but no siblings kissing each other," Rosalie said.

"Well, that rule only applies to you and Jasper," Alice stated.

"I'm just making it known. I do not want to make out with my brother. Yuck."

"I want to go first!" I called.

I spun the bottle, and it landed on Rosalie. "You guys have to kiss for at least five seconds," Emmett declared.

We shrugged our shoulders and came into the middle of the circle. Our lips came crashing together. "Oh, my God, this is so hot," Emmett whispered. "Holy shit! They're still kissing! Girl on girl is the hottest thing. I know what I'm dreaming about tonight!"

I pulled back and looked at Emmett. "You're a pig."

"Thank you."

"Damn, Bells. You're a pretty good kisser. If I weren't straight, I'd so go for you," Rose laughed.

"Back at you," I chuckled.

I looked at Edward, and he looked frozen. "Edward?" I asked. "Are you in there?"

I waved my hand in front of his face. No response. I kissed him, and he responded, instantly. His hands went to my hair and pulled my closer to him. "Bella, you're such a little slut tonight! It's so hot!" Emmett smirked.

I pulled away from Edward, blushing. "I didn't know you two were together," Alice pouted.

"Well, technically, we're not," I answered.

Edward looked hurt. "Edward, you haven't asked me out, yet."

"Oh, right. Bella, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes."

Edward's lips crashed into mine for the third time today. "Okay, stop exchanging saliva. It's time for Rosie to spin the bottle," Emmett said.

I blushed and sat back into my spot. Rose spun the bottle, and it landed on Edward. They both frowned and kissed. Edward spun it, and the bottle landed on Emmett. "NO WAY! I AM NOT DOING IT! GET AWAY FROM ME! I QUIT! I'M PLAYING SOMETHING ELSE!" Emmett screamed.

"Fine, you big baby, we'll play something else," Alice said.

"Well, what do you want to play?" I asked.

"I'd like to smoke some of that weed," Jasper suggested.

Emmett smiled. "I second that."

Alice checked her pockets. "Shit. I forgot it."

"Let's go get it then," Rose declared.

I really did not want to be around weed right now. "You know, guys, I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm exhausted," I lied, feigning a yawn.

"You know, that actually is a good idea. It's almost midnight. I just can't hang like I used to," Alice agreed.

We grabbed all of the blankets from the two bedrooms and curled up with each other. Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, and Edward and I were all curled up in each other.

"I missed you so much, Bella," Edward whispered against my hair.

"I missed you, too, Edward," I smiled.

I felt him kiss my hair, and I snuggled closer to him. His response was him tightening his arms around me.

I can't believe I left all of this. I'm glad I'm back. Let's hope I'll never have to leave again.

**-**

Hey, guys. I enjoy writing for this a lot. (: Please review.

And if anyone is going through any of this—anorexia, bulimia, depression, or anything of the sort—please, come and talk to me.

I love you, guys!

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter.

-Bailee 


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